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Why do women have forceful sexual fantasies?

*Trigger warning: Mention of rape and sexual abuse*


We have all searched for it, we have all watched it, and we have all liked it from time to time. Yes, we’re talking about porn. One of the most popular storylines in porn is when a stranger enters a woman’s house, sometimes even against her will, and…well, the rest does not need to be said. While this one particular storyline may seem unrealistic, it does induce arousal in many of us.


People might not talk about it often, but we all have sexual fantasies. Our imagination can be an outlet for us to explore our own sexuality and pleasure. While some fantasies may be as simple as recreating a steamy movie scene, others might be a bit controversial- like the fantasy of being forced to have sex. Such bold fantasies, also known as ravishment, are sexual fantasies in which one imagines and pretends to be coerced into engaging in sexual activity.


We have all watched movies that portray the female character as beautiful and seductive and in whose presence the men cannot control themselves. Many women in real life too find it incredibly fascinating to see themselves as the subject of a man's untamed, out-of-control lust. In a 2009 study, it was discovered that 62% of the participating women fantasized about being forced to have sex. More often than you would imagine, people have "forced sex fantasies."


Why do most women or non-binary people have bold fantasies?

Some possible explanations for this are:

  • Sexual Blame Avoidance Erotic urges in women can cause feelings of regret, guilt, and shame. Forced sex fantasies allow women to enjoy sex without the stigma of being ‘slutty’.

  • Sexual Desirability According to this theory, women feel more desirable and feel a sense of seductiveness in such fantasies.

  • Reclaiming Trauma Individuals who have experienced sexual violence can reclaim power and authority by re-creating a scenario on their own grounds.


Such fantasies should not be labeled “rape fantasies” or “forced sex fantasies”. Sexual abuse is a tremendously traumatic violation of a person's existence. A fantasy, on the other hand, is played out in a safe environment with a partner you trust. There is another term used for such fantasies- Con-Non-Con (consensual non-consensual). It's vital to understand that, despite the prevalence of such fantasies, women do not desire to be raped. While forced sex, by nature, is non-consensual, a sexual dream, is always guided and controlled by the person experiencing it.


Women experience their most unrestrained, raw desire and sexuality as truly fulfilled in such idealized scenarios, unhindered by any sense of danger. These daring fantasies eventually depict a consensual (as opposed to coerced) submission, which positions the woman as dividing the power with her chosen partner rather than merely being dominated by him. Such fantasies provide a positive acknowledgment of a woman's desire to experience her own particular feminine power in her sexual relationships.


Although our society shames people for having such fantasies, these fantasies are healthy and should be treated as such. Women who fantasize about spontaneous, forceful sex do not want to be sexually molested. They are at ease with their sexuality and are willing to follow their erotic dreams. Talking freely about these fantasies can help in avoiding uncertainty and learning to explore their thoughts in a safe manner. Know that there is nothing "wrong" with having such fantasies and they do not make you a "bad feminist”. Fantasies are exactly that: fantasies.



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