BDSM

Most of us have watched Fifty Shades of Grey, haven’t we? It inspired a lot of people and couples to try out BDSM and kinky sex.

Unlike what some people might believe, kink and BDSM is not a phase. Trying it out is a preference or a choice. It has always been considered as a sin and taboo, but after the increase in the representation of kink in different movies and books, people are beginning to consider trying it out. You and your partner deserve the sexual freedom to try some new and exciting approaches in the bedroom but the important thing to remember is that communicating consent is the base of BDSM. Respecting each other's boundaries and understanding each other’s space is very necessary.

BDSM/Bondage sex

What does BDSM stand for?

Each letter represents a meaning and it has been shortened for quick use:

B stands for Bondage. It refers to the use of restraint upon the other or having your movement restrained after tying your partner up in a consensual manner.

D stands for discipline or it can also be used as dominance, like exerting consensual control over another person.

S stands for someone who is either a subordinate or is submissive. This is assigned by giving up consensual control to another person. It also stands for Sadism, which means the pleasure of giving pain to another person.

M stands for Masochism which means that the person gets pleasure from receiving pain. Some people prefer pain as a stimulant which could serve as an intense factor in their sex life.

However BDSM does not necessarily mean that you have to include pain.

The Top and Bottom

Along with subordinate and dominant, there is another type of role play which can be practiced: the top and the bottom. A top is a person who assigns some actions to the bottom like the dominant person in BDSM assigns orders to the submissive person.

For example: If the dominant person asks the subordinate to spank him/her, the subordinate follows the order. So, the top and bottom is another means of expressing this role play in BDSM.

3 Common Factors of BDSM

The factors needed for a respectful relationship that builds BDSM and takes the partners to the tipping point of pleasure are:

  • Communication

  • Trust

  • Consent

You want to make sure that that person who is in control is doing this act for pleasure and not to abuse you physically, emotionally or mentally. BDSM can be risky if there is no trust between the partner. 

Before indulging in the act, both you and your partner should sit down and negotiate each other's boundaries. Ask each other what fantasies do they have and approach them in a non judgemental manner. It should be a safe place which is built on the foundation of mutual trust.


One more thing you need to discuss with your partner is the safe word- the holy grail of safety. A safe word in BDSM is the word which indicates the partner to stop, without having to say no. It can be anything: you could be creative about it or you could have simple ones like red which means stop and yellow which means to slow down. So, the dominant person needs to stop when the other person uses their safe word. If instructions regarding the safe word are not followed, the trust between the two partners will be broken.

The consent of both the partners (especially submissive) is very critical and the BDSM activity should never be forced on partners. 

Pleasure and BDSM sex

After-Care

After Care is one of the most critical part of BDSM role play. It's very important for the submissive person to feel normal and respected again in real life. Simultaneously, both the partners need rest after the intense experience. After care can be small initiatives like cuddling with each other with affection, drinking a glass of water or wine and eating some chocolate to help restore some energy. If proper care is not taken during or after the act, it can lead to negative emotions and may cause the relationship to fail.